Monday, September 13, 2010

Some Doubts

Some days that Doubting Thomas slips in under my door. Over the weekend I wondered if I was really as healthy as I hoped I was. I wondered if I still had IT in me. I wondered whether I would ever get over the worst of last year. I thought I was over it. And then I had doubts. And fears. I'm not made of stone and the pain dug deep. I let fear ignite.

This morning I got to work an hour before my students, as always, and worked feverishly to get more done. And then I remembered. I stopped. I went to a private place for 3 or 4 minutes and I stopped. I prayed for strength and patience. I took a deep cleansing breath. I relaxed and let my mind go to a peaceful spot, if even for a moment.

And the day went well. I'm feeling more like the me I can work with (!). Breathing in the faith and strength, and breathing out the negative and the fear, feels so good.

Ten hours later, I drove home feeling like I did my best and God was right there with me. It's funny, but as soon as I got home, I covered my fingers and pages in paint and smiled.

When you get stressed, what do you do?

{PS. My Blog Comments out to you are acting up! I am reading yours, my friends, but only about 50% are working and showing up! I'm there though and I love to read your Blogs! Hugs, kath}

15 comments:

Rebecca Anthony said...

Wow, I felt like I was right there with you while I read this post. You have a way with words and it's very clear it's from deep down in your soul. You have a strong energy about you and a will to conquer all. I'm thinking about you and all positive thoughts for you and your future. I can tell you are a very special and wonderful person touching lives every day.

Jennifer Richardson said...

I~n~s~p~i~r~e~d
Well done, you!
I like it when I feel like
the me I can work with, too:)
I think we accomplish alot more
from that place of rest
than when we're striving
and straining.
It's a journey
and we're getting there.
-Jennifer

lori vliegen said...

i hear you, sweet friend.....and i know that doubting thomas fear oh too well!! your strength and your wisdom to stop and call on God to carry you through the day is SO inspiring.....and so is your beautiful journal page! sending you sweet choco-hugs today!! xox, :)))

beth said...

those few moments of solitude and prayer....sometimes that's all we need to make it through the day....

and the post below....have you ever taken an old book, glued a few pages together for strength, gessoed the pages and then used it as an art journal ? i couldn't tell if you were using that old book in that matter or if you were just going to maybe tear out a few pages.....

but old books.....oh how i love them !

Martha Lever said...

Hey Kathy,
I loved reading this post today because it's always so wonderful to read or hear about God giving us the strength to do the things we have to do!

I had that posting problem a while back also and I figured out that for me it was Firefox. Do you use a Mac? I found that Safari works better when posting blogs for some reason.

Createology said...

Hi Kathy:
You are very smart to breathe deep and take a moment in your day to stay with it. I think we can all use this to get through some days. Finding joy in the day to day events takes focus and we can find our joy everyday. Happy teaching...

laundrygirl said...

Breathe...
When I am stressed I tend to work on artwork. Sometimes I listen to music and find myself praying at the same time. And when things are really frightening, I pause in complete silence and pray. I wish I could say I seek silence more but I don't. Instead of concentrated prayer I often find myself praying all day as I move through the day. Such is the journey....

Marilyn said...

It is so good when we know how to help ourselves as you did with your art. I love being out and about, going for a walk really helps me. Take care.

Mary said...

May we all let this soak deep into our hearts.
Kathy you point us to where and who our strength comes from. Jesus says, "when you are weak, I am strong". It is a hard thing to grasp in our do it ourselves culture. God is opening up this wonderful new adventure for me, and I fear so much of the time I will not have the physical strength and stamina to do it well. But I keep coming back to if he wants me to accomplish it, he will give me the strength to do so.

Hugs sweet friend!!!

{little.happy.things} said...

When I am stressed I tend to work on artwork. Like now, my big belly doesn't really allow me to sit in front of the computer, I spend more time working on my projects.
I really wish you the best, and many many hugs!

Erika

Nancy said...

Your words have been a blessing today as I surely needed to be reminded that God will give me the strength to do what He has called me to do. I often doubt that I can be obedient but I am reminded He gives whatever is needed for His call....Obviously, He did that for you yesterday....

Hugs and more hugs to you......

Christine said...

Wauw. Such strenght. I admire you for stopping and for calling the you you can work with (beautifully put, too). And for going to the activity that will boost your positive energy. I believe it takes courage to face ones fears. And great strength to embrace them like you did.

I send you loads of butterflies with happiness, smiles and power.

Tumble Fish Studio said...

Hi Kathy! Life has thrown curve balls - sometimes it seems we get a bucket of them all at once. Though doubting Thomas may come by for a visit to all of us, I think once we survive what we think is one of the worst things that we can go through, we are not always aware of the strength we've gained for surviving it. Send Thomas a runnin' . . . you have your own strength and from reading your blog, the strength of God with you. You are stronger than you were a year ago and you'll be stronger still tomorrow, and the next day, and so on. You are a warrior with your strong affirmations and private moments and gratitude and . . . you can't be brave unless you face what you're afraid of, so you have your bravery too! A warrior, you are!

Thank you for visiting me! Keep coming by cuz there's more prizes coming this week! I had a great time visiting several pages in your blog this morning. So many beautiful pictures and moments and personal reflections. It was a very special visit for me.

Have a great rest of the week, warrior Kathy!
marsha

Lancerika said...

Hope you
march on as always..
Peace to you,*deer
firefly friend*
(I saw just one bright firefly tonite)

DancingMooney ♥ said...

Kathy, I'm so sorry I'm just now finding the time to read your posts from this week. I've been busy in the kitchen! *sigh* ♥

I hope you are feeling better now, and I am so proud of you for taking that moment, taking that deep breath, and finding yourself again.

clarity is a wonderful strength to have...